For most caregivers, the middle stages of dementia are the most difficult. During the early stages, a person with dementia is still capable of functioning somewhat normally, albeit with some memory lapses, or confusion.
In later stages, the dementia takes over completely, and the person becomes a highly dependent stranger, who can no longer function without assistance. Still, the middle stages can be the most frustrating. Here, the person with dementia still has moments of lucidity. They may still be physically able to walk, wander, or rummage. Unlike earlier and later stages, the middle stage shows the most fluctuation in personality--with behavior changes from hour to hour, such as:
- Aggression
- Depression
- Refusing meals
- Threats
- Accusations
- Confusion
- Paranoia
To make it more complicated, one day you will wake up and find that the person with dementia is perfectly lucid, in a great mood, and wants to do something. Yet only the day before they were angry and certain that you were "stealing" from them.
Use Good Dementia Days To Your Advantage
While it may be tempting to choose this day to have a friend come over and elderly-sit so that you can get out, it is really much better if you take this day to do something meaningful with the your loved one. Otherwise, you are ONLY going to see the bad days, and that can lead to caregiver burnout...fast.
So, what is the best way to spend the day? If there isn't anything of a pressing or urgent nature (such as a doctor's appointment), ask your loved one what he or she would like to do. If it is warm weather, consider a walk around the yard, a park, or the block.
This is also a good day to go shopping. Treat both of you to a new trinket or pleasantry. This can reinforce good behaviors and can possibly provide a keepsake for the occasion. If your loved one isn't physically or emotionally up for an outing, how about just having a nice conversation over a favorite lunch?
Ideas For Outings
Depending on the stage of dementia, and how well your loved one copes with strangers or crowds, you may have several options for a day out. Try visiting public places on weekdays when there will be fewer crowds. Always keep the comfort and safety of a person with dementia in mind.
Make sure they are wearing identification in case they become lost. If taking a walk in nature, be sure to take a phone, any medication that must be taken at a certain time, a snack, water, and a small first aid kit. Here are some places that you can go:
- The mall
- A park
- Antique malls and thrift stores
- Local festivals and craft shows
- Open air concerts
- Zoos and aquariums
- Museums
- Nature hikes and guided nature tours
- Picnic in the yard or garden
Inside Activities
Take advantage of a day when the dementia seems to be asleep. But don't use it to catch up on chores or paperwork. Instead, enjoy the all-to-seldom return of your loved one while it lasts. If they don't feel like going out, or if the weather is bad, you can still have a pleasant time in the house.
- Watch some classic movies or family home videos together.
- Get out the photo albums and tell funny stories
- Mock interview your loved one about a time in his or her past
- Mix up some DIY spa recipes in your kitchen
- Mix up some edible treats together
- Enlist their help with some holiday crafting
- Sketch out plans for a flower garden
- Hunt for a fun tutorial and learn something new together
- Put on some music and dance
- Read a book out loud
- Pull out some cards or board games
These are just a few suggestions. Don't stereotype your loved one though. Dementia will sometimes alter their likes and dislikes. They may prefer to do things they never enjoyed before, and avoid activities they once loved.
Don't force them to be their "old selves". Embrace their new, spontaneous likes, and spend the good dementia days building up new memories.
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