Guess what I uncovered during my office organization project? My old caregiving journals! These books are precious to me because they contain not only everyday details of the job, but also because they are filled with great quotes from the elderly.
Anytime someone would say something funny, witty, philosophical or sarcastic, I would jot it down in my book. It was a way of holding on to all the best moments in caregiving, and preserving memories of many wonderful people who touched my life before they passed from theirs.
In honor of their eccentric personalities and excellent minds, I'm sharing some of my favorites with you today. Join me and
listen to the elderly on:
Food
--"The problem is that you keep asking me if I have any problems. I'm 91...I have nothing but problems. And these eggs are one of them. "
--"What is in this packet? Antidote for that coleslaw?"
--"They ran out of ice cream? How come they never run out of mashed potatoes?"
--"Does the nurse have any Alka-Seltzer I could take? She does? Then, can you call my brother and tell him to bring me a pepperoni pizza with extra onions?"
Health
--"Can you hear that squeaky sound when I turn my neck, or is it all in my ear?"
--"It took me years to start getting old, now that it started I can't slow down!"
Family
--"My socks have a hole. Don't throw them away though. I'm saving them to make my son feel guilty!"
--"If my family drops by, don't tell them I changed rooms. I want to see if they notice."
Safety
--"Was that the tornado siren ? I thought it was someone being tortured down in physical therapy."
--"If they really cared about me falling, they would pad my floor with feather pillows."
--"I feel pretty good today. I finally figured out what was making all that racket when I stand up from the bed, and fixed it. Here are the pieces. It was some kind of heating pad, I guess."
Socializing
--"Ask that lady over there if she is flirting with me. If she is, she can come sit at my table anytime."
--"Could you please tell the person next door to pee quieter? They are giving me headaches."
Nursing Skills
Resident: "When I was a nurse, we mitered corners a lot better."
Me: "I'm sorry. These are fitted sheets, and that is as smooth as the seam will get.
Resident: "Well, that's no excuse."
Me: "Would you like me to make your bed with a flat sheet?
Resident: "No. I don't like the way they look."
Color Psychology
Resident #1: "Why didn't we get to vote on the new lounge color? They get to go home, we are stuck here with walls the color of...color of...
Resident #2 : Caterpillar guts?
Resident #1: No, those are a bit more yellow.
Grooming
-- "If you want me to take a shower, hire a nice looking life guard with big muscles and little swim trunks to get in there with me.
--"I know this sounds vain, honey, but could you please label all my Depends as size medium?"
--"Don't put my dentures in that cup. I want them right here on the bed table. I like seeing a big smile when I first wake up in the morning."
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