Long-Term Care Visits Do's and Dont's For Holidays

Planning to visit an elderly loved one in a long-term care facility this holiday season? Family visits, especially at important times of the year, can be a treat for everyone. 

Many people however either dread the idea, or feel awkward in the environment. Here are a few reasons why:

• Nursing homes and other care facilities can feel "too medical" even if its made as welcoming as possible. Between the sounds of call lights, the scent of antiseptic cleaners, and the rush of feet outside the door--it can be hard for some visitors to relax. 

• You might feel rushed squeezing in a visit, gifts and family traditions between caregiving tasks. Facilities don't keep to schedules to be mean. Its for the overall well being of the residents, including your loved one. Eating, taking medications, and performing hygiene tasks are necessary. But it can feel intrusive when everyone is trying to open gifts or share stories.  

• A lack of true privacy can burst that "family bubble" feeling. You can close the door, but its hard to forget the workers, the other residents, other families and cleaning staff all bustling up and down the halls. This can be especially hard if your loved one is in a shared room. 

• Space is also an issue. Maybe you want to get together as a family and all visit at one. Its such a wonderful gesture for your loved one to see children, grandchildren, maybe even siblings at the same time. It might not be so fun for everyone try and fit in the room. Seating is limited, children might become overwhelmed and bored quickly, and adults grow stressed. 

• Your loved one might not be in the best form. Someone with cognitive issues, for example, may be having an off day. If they don't fully understand what is happening around them anymore, then the extra activities of the holidays can be overwhelming and confusing. So while you might have planned for a movie worthy holiday, your loved one may be angry or agitated. Even someone who is perfectly lucid might not be feeling well that day. 

While most of the issues can't be made to disappear for one day (not even to make it magical) there are some things you can do to make the visit easier on yourself and your loved one. 

Help create a visit that is more pleasant by following some basic do's and don'ts, to guarantee everyone has the best chance at a wonderful holiday memory. 

What You Should Do: 

Do Consider Taking Your Loved One Out for the Day

If it is at all possible, taking your elderly loved one home for a few hours, (or out to a venue even) might be a more comfortable solution for everyone. Care facilities aren't jails, and most residents can safely leave with family.

Discuss the idea with members of your relatives care team, to be sure you know all of their needs. When planning the day, take into account what time they will need to eat and take medications. Also know that you may have to help them toilet, clean themselves up, and possibly even eat. Planning for this will give you and your loved one plenty of extra time so neither of you feel rushed or frustrated.

Do also plan responsibly. Events that might be fun for you, or for children might not be safe or enjoyable for a senior. Things that require long walks, climbing or being outside in the cold for too long can make your loved one miserable and might pose serious safety and health issues. 

Not all residents can leave for a day though. If that is the case, then you can still bring the holiday to them.

Do Plan Your Visit Around the Facility's Schedules

Find out when meals, showers, and other activities are happening for your loved one, and avoid arriving during those times. Throwing off the routine can be stressful to your loved one and to staff employees. 


If you plan on on taking your loved one out for the day, or even an hour or so, make sure the staff is aware beforehand so they can have them dressed and ready. 

Do Be Respectful of Other Residents


Remember, the facility is their home. Keep conversations at a normal volume, remind children (and other adults, if needed)  not to explore other people's rooms, be polite to all residents (not just your loved one), and use family friendly language when speaking in public areas. 

Bring The Holiday With You


Its perfectly okay to bring a small tree, some decorations, and gifts! Just please clean up after the party. Take decorations home and store them after the holiday is over. 

Keep safety in mind with decorations just like with gifts. You can't have cords and other trip hazards running all across the rooms, and you can't unplug beds and machines to make room for strands of lights. Be smart!


Say Thank You to The Staff


Remember, they are giving up their holiday to take care of other people. Smile, say thank you, and help make their holiday a little easier by following some of these DON'TS: 

What You Should Not Do: 

Don't Make a Mess


There are plenty of trashcans. Don't leave litter all over a room. If you need an extra garbage bag for food containers or gift wrap, just ask! 


Visiting a nursing home is just like visiting a person's home. Be respectful of possessions and put things back in place when you leave so your loved one can find them easily. 



Don't Create a Safety Hazard


Don't block hallways or access to supply closets, rooms, toilets, etc. Don't let children run through the halls, they could accidentally bump into someone and cause a fall. 


If you bring electronics, make sure they are plugged in where the cords are out of the way, and not where they impede the aides and nurses. 

Don't Make Your Loved One Sick

Yes, its a holiday, and we all want to make our relatives happy. But sneaking them a little treat that they are not supposed to have can be dangerous. 

Respect the food restrictions that are in place to keep your loved one healthy, and bring appropriate treats. Also, if your loved one has issues like dementia, and may not be able to read or understand labels anymore, please be careful about bringing non-edible gifts that look like food or drink. 

Think things like food scented potpourri or soaps that look like candy or desserts; lotions or shampoos that look and smell like fruit drinks, etc. Yes they might look cute. But yes, they can also be confusing and dangerous. 

Don't Complain About Little Things


It is the holidays. Unless you have a really legitimate reason to complain, save it for later. 


Don't stress your loved one with complaints about your daily life. Don't stress employees with complaints about minor issues in the facility such as noise or the way dinner smells.

Remember, this is your loved one's home, and the staff take care of them on a daily basis. If you are spending the holiday visit berating the employees, then you are stressing your relative too. 

If there is a serious safety issue, then of course you should bring it up. But really, we had a visiting family member once launch into a tirade because they personally didn't like the smell of fish fingers cooking. 


Don't Endanger The Elderly


Do NOT bring gifts to the nursing home that can be dangerous. Do not give gifts to other residents that could harm them. 

Ask before you give gifts to make sure you aren't causing more harm than good. While it usually depends on the recipient, there are some common sense rules to follow. Try to avoid gifts that are: 

• Sharp 
• Flammable
• Toxic
• A trip or slip risk
• A living animal

Here is another post I wrote about gifts you shouldn't take to nursing homes. 

Visiting For the Holidays Should Be Fun

Keep the holiday fun for yourself, your loved one, the long-term care staff, and other nursing home residents.

Its okay to laugh, to sing, and to bring as much holiday cheer as possible. Just be safe, practical, and courteous while doing so. 

(Remember, these basic rules should be followed any day of the year. )