Fall Cleaning For the Caregiver

In a previous post, I talked about helping the elderly clean and winterize their homes. Now, its time to talk about cleaning house when you are a full-time caregiver in your own home.

I heard that groan.

I know.

But keeping a clean house really IS important when you have an aging loved one. With weakened immune systems, and decreased sense of smell, taste, and sight, the elderly could be considered

Winterizing the Elderly| Helping Aging Loved Ones Prepare for Bad Weather

Is Your Elderly Loved One Ready For Winter?

Winter can be a dangerous time for the elderly. Not only are they more susceptible to colds and viruses, they have to worry about slippery sidewalks and stoops and not being able to obtain necessities such as medications or food.

Just like everyone else, the elderly need to make preparations for winter. Usually, this blog focuses on advice for people who provide full-time care for a loved one in their own home. But there are many elders out there that don't need full-time care. They are still mostly independent and live alone, but they may need a helping hand when it comes to winterizing themselves and their homes.

Here are some ways you can help make sure that your loved ones (or even elderly friends and neighbors) can look forward to a safe, comfortable winter: 

Keep Calm, Caregivers

4 Things You Should Tell Someone With Dementia

What can you say to someone who has had their memories stolen? What can you say to someone who may not know your name, or why you are visiting? You can say a lot. You say these things everyday...

A Look At How Dementia Affects Communication

When dementia starts stealing away all the familiar traits and memories that make a loved one who they are, communication can become bewildering for everyone. It is a wicked disease that can be just as confusing for spectators as for the sufferer. Many of us have a difficult time wrapping our own minds around the fact that dementia takes more than just memories--it also takes the ability to understand or use words properly.

When that happens, when a person starts making up nonsense words, or substituting words such as "fork" for "toilet", communication becomes a frustrating guessing game. Its worse when you realize
that things you say are not "sinking in".

In early dementia, a person is asked if they remember a person. They may NOT remember a person, or may only remember the person's place in their lives, but not their name or their relationship. At that point, they may understand that they can't remember fully.

Later, as dementia progresses, they may not be able to understand what the word "remember'' means. Even though they can speak, their own language becomes foreign to them, as words might no longer make sense, or their brain assigns random meanings.

They might answer with something natural and instinctive, such as "yes, I do." Even if they don't, and even if they aren't sure of what they just said. If dementia is advanced, the answer may be even more confusing. Possibly a string of words that mean nothing to anyone else.

Of course, this is a very simplified look at dementia. It affects all people differently, and at different rates. Some people retain their ability to speak coherently a lot longer than others. In the worst cases, a person can no longer speak at all, and may or may not understand what is being said to them.

That doesn't mean that communication is no longer necessary, even if it seems pointless. Humans still respond to the sound of familiar voices, to kind tones, and to body language. There is always the hope that at some level, the person still understands what is being said to them, even if they can't process and respond "normally". Much like young babies understand what their parents are communicating even before their language skills develop.

For that reason, it is very important to talk to people who have dementia. It might feel awkward and one-sided, but you've dealt with much more difficult things in your life, right? Communication is always beneficial, and here are five things you can always say to someone with dementia.

1. You Look Nice Today

Or any similar compliment. Humans love compliments. That need never fully disappears, and offering a simple, honest, and cheerful bit of praise can never be wrong. Of course you can expand on the basic compliment too.

"You look nice today! That shirt is just the right color for your eyes."

Or even:

"Oh, you look so happy today!"

Compliment anything: their clothes, a piece of jewelry, their cologne, a song they are humming. Your tone of voice and your own smile will help communicate joy. 

Basically, if it is something you would like someone to say to you, or something you would say to anyone to make them feel good, it is the perfect thing to say to someone with dementia.

2. My Name Is...

It is always hard to admit that your loved one may not remember who you are. The truth is that questions can sometimes cause people with dementia to become agitated, because questions demand a response that they may not be able to provide. 

Instead of asking someone with dementia if they remember you, which puts them on the spot to try and please you, offer the information right up front. This can be as simple as

"Hi, Grandma, its me, Sharon!"

or it can be more in-depth, if needed:

"Good morning, James. I'm Sharon, your neighbor who lives in that blue house."

You might be surprised at how little hints can help. A person might not remember the name "Sharon", but the blue house might link the name to the face.

A good rule of thumb is that the farther removed you are from the person, the more details you should provide. However, since long term memories are often more clear than short term memories, you may find a person with dementia is able to recall details about a friend they haven't seen in years before they can recall the name of a relative they see several times a week.

For others, frequency may play a huge part in how well they remember a person. They may know a casual acquaintance they see weekly at church, but not a close relative they see less often.

3. I'm Here For You

As in, I'm here to support you. I'm here to listen if you need to talk. I'm here to just sit quietly beside you if that is what you need.

This sentiment can be so important during the early stages of dementia, when a person is aware of themselves and the ever increasing gaps in their memory. They may feel lonely, isolated, embarrassed and scared.

Knowing that someone is willing to be there for them, even after they will no longer be aware of it, can be very comforting. To understand what they are facing, think of what it might be like to learn that you had to go under a new type of anesthesia for an operation. There are no guarantees that you will or will not be aware of what is happening, and no one can tell you if you will be able to communicate if you are aware or not.

That is a pretty scary thought, but you would feel better knowing that a team of people were there promising  to take care of you, keep you comfortable and protect your dignity at a time when you have no control of yourself.


4. I Love You

This is something that a person can never say too often. It doesn't matter if you are feeling it at the moment, which you may not be as you suffer exhaustion and frustration from dealing with dementia. What is important is that you are speaking a sentiment that is universal.

It is something that people who don't even speak the same language  can understand, just from the way you say it, and the way you show it.

And that is what dementia is at time. A different language.

But sometimes the actual words don't matter. Just the emotion. So say it.


Just Talk. 

Its okay to chatter idly to a person with dementia. Tell them about your neighbor's new car, a bird you saw on your feeder, or something funny you saw on the way to work. Stop if they seem like they are getting agitated or tired. 

Keep questions to a minimum, especially one's that feel like quizzes. For instance "would you like to to eat a piece of this cake?" is not as overwhelming as "Do you like strawberry cake?" If you simply cannot think of something to say, then read something to them. Even if its just a short article or a poem. 

Most importantly, please, do not avoid talking to someone who has dementia, in any stage. That simple human connection can help dispel loneliness and isolation, helping them to feel comforted and cared for. 

Protecting the Elderly From Summer with Cool Zones

Elder Care Issues--Summer and Elder Safety

How hot is it outside right now? The sun beat down on us today, with an actual temperature of 98, and a heat index of 109. That is pretty hot.

In fact, when the temps soar that high, it is hard for air conditioners to keep up. That means that cars and homes can still be stuffy and uncomfortably warm even with the A/C turned down past the recommended energy-saving temperature.

So what does that mean for people with no A/C?

Sure, humans survived for centuries without artificial cooling systems. That doesn't mean that it was safe, or that people didn't die back in the day from heat exhaustion and dehydration. Although the young and healthy, and those accustomed to working outdoors in all sorts of weather conditions, can rough through the hottest days of the year, the elderly are particularly vulnerable to the dangers of summer. 

Last week, my sister-in-law, who is the library director, mentioned that she was taking donations of puzzles and other games. Why? Because the library has been declared a Cool Zone.

What is a Cool Zone?

Cool Zones are exactly what they sound like. They are public places where anyone can come inside to escape from the heat.

Even though most stores and businesses are running their air conditioners, many of these places don't encourage people to loiter indoors if they aren't shopping. The homeless, and those who live in homes without cool air need a place where they can basically "hang out" during the hottest times of the day.

 The library is a great place, because it offers plenty of entertainment. Other local places include the senior center and one old timey drugstore that still has a soda fountain.

As she was talking, my sister-in-law mentioned that one elderly gentleman with dementia comes is brought to the library every day. While there, he works jigsaw puzzles--sometimes assembling 1000 piece puzzles in just a few hours, and then partially taking them apart to leave for the next person to work.

How awesome is that? Not only is this man kept indoors in the cool air, he has something to occupy his time. He has the opportunity to socialize, and he is minimally supervised without having to feel as though he is being babysat.

Every communities needs a Cool Zone. Every community could probably use more than one.

Why Are These Cool Zones So Important?

Last year, dozens of elderly persons were brought to the local hospital with heat -related illnesses. Many were dehydrated. Some had suffered heat strokes.

There are several reasons why the elderly suffer from the summer weather, including:

• Poverty. Many are too impoverished to afford proper cooling systems. Or they may be saving pennies and not running the air conditioners or fans. 
• Water quality. Here, most drinking water is drawn from local lakes. When they turn over in summer, the water can become fetid and discolored, making it unappealing to drink. A person may not be able to afford enough bottled water or filtering systems, and may ration their drinks. 
• Medication. Some medications react with heat or sunlight. Or, when taken in hot weather, may cause queasiness that makes eating and drinking unappealing. 
• Dementia. People with dementia often forget to drink. They may not realize they are too hot.

Those are just a few reasons why the elderly should be protected in during hot weather. Cool Zones however, are for everyone who needs them, a when temperatures reach numbers such as 115 degrees (not uncommon here), anyone can need a break.

Only three weeks ago, their was a motorcycle charity run organized to raise money for an injured child. Although there were frequent stops and cool refreshments, many riders came close to heat exhaustion before the ride was completed. (kudos to the selfless men and women who braved the heat to help a needy family meet their goal though!)

Thankfully, local restaurants, gas stations, and  other businesses always open their doors and welcome riders even when they aren't buying anything. These temporary Cool Zones often hang out banners, signs or flags letting people know they are prepared to help anyone who is at a risk for being overheated.


Does Your Community Have A Cool Zone?

If you have an elderly loved one, or know of any elderly persons that might not have adequate ways to stay cool, check your community for cool zones. These are not just important for people who stay at home, but also for any seniors who may be driving. It should be a matter of safety to know where these areas are located while running errands.

You can help too. Ask around and see if libraries, community or senior centers, churches, etc. need donations of old puzzles, games, books, magazines, etc.  As about donating water or ice, too.

In the meantime, make sure your elderly loved one has access to either an air conditioning system or plenty of fans. Make sure they have clean water and ice. If they can drink it, it is also smart to keep a sport's drink or bottle of Pedialyte on hand in case of dehydration.

Caution elders about wearing sunscreen (yes, it is important at any age!), staying in the shade when out doors, and not working in yards or gardens during heat advisories. Check their medication for any information about heat or sunlight.

If you take your loved ones out for day trips, make sure they get plenty of rest and hydration during outdoor activities.

And most importantly, learn the signs of dehydration (which can  manifest differently in the elderly) and heat exhaustion.  

Smile, Spring is Here!

The Elderly, the Flu, and "Why Don't They Invent..."

According to the CDC, cold and flu season should be winding down. I don't believe them one bit. I'm recovering from my seventh round of mystery yuck since October. Seven times in one year? I usually get very sick ONCE every 5-10 years!

My tests came back negative for the flu. Which means this is just a cold.  That leaves me to wonder...if this is just a cold, how bad is the flu this year? More importantly, how badly would this ordinary (killer) cold affect someone who was elderly?

Since colds are hard to pin down, there aren't many statistics--but the CDC says that the flu has been especially rough on the elderly this season. If just a cold can lay down a young, healthy person with a  chunky immune system, then its no wonder that the wicked sister (H3N2 virus) has led to record-breaking hospitalizations. 

I seriously recommend reading the site for information on influenza and all precautions, especially for seniors. Especially since our local hospitals are flooded each week with hundreds of people testing positive for everything from strep throat to RSV.

But That's Not Why I'm Here...

I'm not actually here today to talk about statistics. I'm here to talk about cleaning house and mass murder.

Specifically, the murder of cold and flu germs while you clean house. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Anyone who cares for an elderly person knows that they have weaker immune systems. That is why prevention is important...but it can take more than a flu shot.

I see too many people run to the clinic for a flu shot, and afterwards think they are immune to everything. Sadly, sometimes flu shots aren't super-effective. And of course they can't protect against non-flu illnesses.

An example of this was my father-in-law--who came to see us on Christmas despite our warnings that we were contagious. No problem, he said. He had his flu-shot. A few days after visiting he was hospitalized.

It is hard for me to keep all those germs at bay, because I have three children who can touch a million surfaces over the course of a day. The result is that anything we catch once gets ping-ponged around between us despite my best efforts to keep everyone and everything sanitized.

With adults, it is a little easier.

• Wash hands in very warm water, with soap for at least 20 seconds
• Change out hand towels frequently
• Discard used tissue (I shouldn't have to say that)
• Cover mouths and noses during coughs and sneezes
• Change clothes at least once a day while sick, more if you cough or sneeze on them
• Wash clothes, and linens (and bed linens) in hot water, with a little Lysol or bleach (for whites)
• Use disinfectant wipes and sprays liberally. Especially on keyboards, phones, remote controls, light switches and pulls, door knobs, faucets and other frequently touched places. 
• Dilute bleach or Lysol in a spray bottle and use to sanitize hard surfaces like tables, appliances, furniture, etc. 
• Wash all dishes in hot, soapy water and scrub thoroughly
• And of course, stay home and don't go sharing your germs, please. 

Unfortunately, for the elderly, it can be very difficult to clean thoroughly several times a day while recovering from an illness. Who feels like scrubbing when you can barely get out of bed, right? 

If you really want to help an elder this season, help them clean house. Hit all of those hard to reach spots, and pay close attention to those areas that are most likely harboring dangerous germs. This includes the inside of the car, pillows and throw pillows, that favorite throw on the back of their favorite chair, and the tops of medicine bottles and soap dispensers. 

Now, For My Big Question....Why Don't They Invent...?

Last summer, a friend was tempted to sell her home when it suddenly and inexplicably became infested with spiders. Maybe not a large scale infestation, but for someone afraid of spiders, 20 seemed like a LOT.

When she called the exterminator, they suggested she try area foggers first to save a little money. If you've ever used insect foggers, then you know that you seal up your house, remove all living things (except the spiders), and set off the "bombs" while you take a trip to the mall  for a few hours. When you get home, you clean up dead bugs, and wipe down all your surfaces.

It worked for her spiders.

So why haven't they invented GERM FOGGERS?

Why aren't there cans of germ killer on the market? Like Lysol spray, except much more lethal.

Maybe it is a conspiracy by the drug companies (isn't everything?) or maybe its because we have to funnel that money into war, space exploration and building better iPhones.

Personally, I think Germ Bombs would be a big hit. As a parent, as a caregiver, or just as someone who really doesn't like the thought of catching anything and everything the neighbors might be carrying, it would be immensely satisfying to set up a product that did in two hours what it would take the average housewife two or three days to accomplish. A fogger could even sterilize the ceiling fans and curtains.

Cold and flu season isn't the only reason to worry about germs. Most homes have billions of germs, including some seriously killer stuff, like staph, lurking around. For the average healthy person, those may never become an issue, but to someone with a weakened immunity, such as a grandparent, it could mean hospitalization, or even death.

While we wait for a better solution to disease prevention (we want to prevent them, because trust me, peppermint and steam doesn't really make you feel better at all when your sick, does it?) I will leave you with this link that describes some of the germiest places in your home. 

And if they are that bad in your home, think what they might be like in the home of an elder who cannot clean as often or as thoroughly.

Help clean up. Lets stop the record-breaking hospitalizations!

Celebrating New Year's With the Elderly

How do you cheer in the new year when you are a caregiver? I asked a few people how they plan to party this holiday season, without leaving the house. Here are some of their great ideas:


1. Party at My House


Kelli Says: We used to go to a friend's house every New Year's. Now we plan to invite them over here. It will be low-key, with snacks, appetizers, and music. Then we will watch the ball drop on television and share some resolutions. We even have a few easy party games planned that Mom can take part in.


2. Keeping Up a Family Tradition


Jim Says: Our town has a small fireworks display at the lake for New Year's. We've always bundled up and gone to watch, This year will be the same. We will all bundle up and get cozy in the van, where we can park and see the fireworks from inside. Later we will drink hot chocolate and share stories about our favorite memories of the year. This includes sitting down with my mom and going through photo albums.


3. Hiring a Sitter


 Terry Says: We have an arrangement with a friend who will be sitting with dad while we go to a company party. She and dad will watch the ball drop while having popcorn and later they will watch a movie or work on puzzles. He loves having someone new to talk to!


4: Time Capsule

Judy Says: New Year's a special family time for us. We give small gifts, have a nice dinner, do the countdown, then make a time capsule for the year. After midnight, we open last year's time capsule and see how our year lived up to our expectations. Last year, my mother-in-law put that she wanted to be able to walk again, and after months of therapy, she succeeded. It will be a great accomplishment to celebrate!

 5. One to Grow On

Every year we go to my mother's house. She is a caregiver for my dad, whose birthday falls on New Year's Eve. So the celebration will include a birthday cake and a special cake for the New Year, She hides a small trinket in the cake, and whoever finds it has good luck that grows all year.

Happy New Year, From Elder Care Issues Blog!

I hope you have a safe, wonderful holiday. Don't forget to include the elderly, and remember that the new year holds many wonderful mysteries and surprises for all.

Last Minute Gifts For the Elderly--Tech Gadgets!

Just a quick post as Christmas comes speeding towards us, to remind you last minute shoppers that buying for an elderly loved one is easy! I've already covered some great nursing home gifts, as well as gifts you should NOT take to a nursing home). I've also done a list of stocking stuffer ideas for the elderly.


Today, I am also reminding you  to not ignore the electronics section of your local store when shopping for senior citizens. Today's seniors are becoming more and more tech savvy.


If you are agonizing over whether to buy fuzzy house shoes or another heated throw, skip the "typical" elderly gifts, and consider one of these instead:



1. Kindle Reader (let your book loving senior read wherever they roam, without cluttering up a small home or room with dusty books.)


2. iPod (fill it up with your loved ones favorite tunes!)


3. Laptop or Tablet (if your loved one can't explore the world, bring the world to their fingertips!)


4. Digital Camera (perfect for the hobbyist who likes photographing their creations, proud grandparents, and nature lovers)


5. Atomic Clock--(take the confusion and guesswork out of Daylight Savings Time with a clock that never has to be set forward or back.)


6. Tile (these smart chips can be attached to anything that you commonly lose, such as phones, remote controls or keys. Needs a smart phone to help you locate the lost items, but so handy for that forgetful relative!)


7. House Cleaning Robot (who doesn't want a Roomba? This nifty gadget could save a senior from many injuries by handling those minor cleanup jobs.)


8.  Smart Pill Box (No more fumbling with flimsy plastic boxes. New pillboxes have alarms, timers, automated dispensers and the ability to connect to a dispatcher who will alert YOU if the dispenser isn't used properly.


9. Digital Weather Station (Your loved one doesn't have to wait for the news to hear the latest updates and predictions. Plus, built in storm alerts can notify them of potentially hazardous weather, allowing for more time to prepare.)


10. Solar Charger (For the outdoorsy person, a gadget that uses the sun to charge phones and other USB devices. )


These are just a few of the amazing gadgets on the market that can make life fun and safe for the elderly.  With everything from Dremel's 3D Dream builder (yes, it is a machine that builds your ideas for you) to funky accessories like phone cases and novelty earbuds--there are plenty choices.


Don't limit your elderly loved one to the same old gifts--try bringing a little technology into the Christmas, and a smile to their faces!

5 Christmas Tips for Dementia Caregivers

The holidays can be very overwhelming for dementia caregivers and their loved ones. For you, it's about the stress of  more responsibilities, more obligations, worry about staying on budget and more worry about how everything will go--on top of all the hard work you already do.


For the person with dementia, Christmas can be a sudden, chaotic upheaval of their normal routine. The house changes, people are hurrying about, and "strangers" are dropping by. All in all, Christmas can be noisy and visually hectic, which can exacerbate the already-present sense of disorientation.


To make the holidays more enjoyable for everyone, here are some tips for reducing stress and anxiety for the elderly with dementia so that you don't have to be stressed or anxious as a caregiver:

1. Put Safety First, Always

One of the perpetual issues in the nursing home, at Christmas, was keeping the residents away from the decorations. Naturally, they were filled with curiosity and awe when they saw the tree with all the merry lights and shiny baubles.


A few residents would forget the tree as soon as it was out of sight. When they saw it again, they would want to touch it, pull on it, and walk around it. This can be hazardous.


Make sure that any cords for holiday lights are tucked up along the wall, or pushed back behind furniture. Don't run cords across the floor, and if possible, place the tree against a wall so that the plug is in the back, with no room to walk around the tree.


Real trees are lovely, but heavy. If your loved one has the habit of "messing" with things then pulling or tugging at the ornaments and light strands could cause the tree to topple over. 


A fake tree will still fall if tugged, but weighs less and will cause less injury. If this may be a real issue, then a table top tree might be a better idea, or a discreet tie can be placed around the tree pole and anchored to the wall. 


Other safety issues to take into consideration include:

• Candles--Never leave lit candles and a person with dementia in a room together unsupervised. Don't place candles on tables where they can easily be bumped, or sitting close by someone who cannot see them. 

• Glass--To avoid cuts, lacerations and puncture wounds, consider plastic, satin, wood, or smooth metal ornaments that will not break if handled and dropped. 

• Toxic Greenery--cedar berries, poinsettias, holly berries and ivy can all be toxic if ingested, or may cause skin reactions. Although a large quantity has to be consumed in order to be fatal, a bad case of digestive upset is not fun during the holidays. 

• Choking Hazards--hard candy, nuts, dried fruit, ornaments that look like candy and other small things that are set about for decorations can be a choking risk for some persons with dementia. If dysphagia is an issue, consider keeping these things in out-of-reach areas, or set out only when supervised. 

• Alcohol--'Tis the season when many toast each other with wine, cider, bourbon and other liquors. Remember that alcohol can be dangerous to people with certain health conditions, and can be deadly when taken with certain prescription medications. Make sure non-alcoholic beverages are handy, and that no one tries to spike the punch secretly as a joke. 

Don't forget basic safety, like avoiding slick floors from tracked-in snow. Keep your outside steps and sidewalks clear of snow and ice, and always making sure your loved one is appropriately dressed when going outside, even if it is only for a few moments. 

2. Decorate Slowly

Many residents became fearful or anxious when their environment changes. In the nursing home, Christmas was especially hard for them, because everyone was excited. They weren't sure how to interpret that energy, and it made them restless.

Also, the home went from being plain, beige and familiar to being awash with lights, inflatable decor, a tree, and people walking around in Santa hats. 


In your own home, you have complete control of the environment. One of the easiest ways to reduce anxiety is to do a gradual transition.


Instead of coming in one evening and decorating the entire house in a couple of hours, start earlier in the season and introduce changes at a slow yet consistent rate. 


Go ahead and put the tree up first. Many people with dementia still have fond memories of the holidays, even if they can't express them, and the tree is the "main centerpiece" of Christmas. They can focus on that one change instead of being faced with a hundred new things to look at and absorb.


From there, add your decorations a few at a time. A wreath or two and some garland today, the knick-knacks the next day, the Christmas linens in a couple more days. This is especially helpful if you rearrange your furnishings in any way to accommodate the decor.

3. Tone Down the Lights

Lights are pretty and fascinating, but to someone with dementia, they may be scary too. Multiple strands of lights that flash, race, fade or twinkle can intensify disorientation. Blue motion lights hung outside can mimic police lights when glimpsed through frosty windows, which can create as sense of fear. 


Instead, try static lights or ones that do a slow fade. Keep them consistent.


Color is important too. Streamline your color options to just one or two for indoors. You can be as wild as you like outdoors, but if your loved one is agitated by thing outside their window, hang up a room darkening curtain or avoid decorating near their room. 

4. Be Mindful of Motion Sensors

Have you ever walked through as store, calmly browsing, only to be startled when a holiday figurine or toy suddenly started laughing, squealing, barking, singing or dancing? 


Imagine how that would feel if you didn't know what the item was, or why it was doing that. Imagine not knowing if it were real or imagined. Imagine not knowing how to tell someone it worried or frightened you?


That is what happened one Christmas when someone generously donated a snowman to the nursing home. Whenever you walked by, it would start to shimmy, sing, and call out Christmas
greetings.


Most of the residents loved to sit and watch it, but it scared one of our ladies so much that she injured herself trying to run away from it. She was so petrified of it, that we eventually had to move it to the patio area.


If your loved one startles easily, suffers from hallucinations, or is simply scared of unexpected noises, you might want to skip the motion activated decorations. Opt instead for the kind that repeat a gently activity on a cycle or loop, or things that have to be activated by hand, such as wind-up music boxes.


Besides motion sensors, be careful too about large outdoor figures that can cast silhouettes on your loved one's window. An acquaintance had to relocate his yard display because his mother was convinced that Santa's shadow was a burglar outside of her room.

5. Plan Parties and Visitors Carefully

You might dream of having a big houseful of people surrounding you for Christmas. Your elderly loved one however, may not be so enthusiastic.


Even if everyone who attends is a close relative, large crowds can make your mom or dad uncomfortable. They may feel embarrassed that they don't recognize names and faces, that they can't recall certain events.


Not being able to recognize who is there, or to understand why they are there, can lead to anxiety. This can intensify if there are vision or hearing problems or if memory loss is advanced. Guests can accidentally make this worse by asking your loved one things like "Don't you remember?" and "But you know who am, don't you?" 


Confusion, anxiety, disorientation and fear can lead to behavioral issues like wandering or aggression. It can also increase the "clinginess" many caregivers know all-too-well.


If strangers or even familiar visitors seem to agitate your loved one, especially in groups, you might want to trim the guest list down to the most important people. 


If your heart is set on a party, you may have to arrange for a trusted relative or companion to provide care until the bulk of the guests depart.


At the very least, maintaining a low-key atmosphere that closely resembles the usual routine (i.e meals at the same time) may help.

Have a Safe, Happy Holiday with Your Elder!

Although it is not impossible to share and enjoy a wonderful holiday when you care for someone with dementia, it can bring up some new issues to deal with. 

Just try to see Christmas from their point of view (their home suddenly changing, tons of unfamiliar objects, furniture out of place, strange people doing odd things and asking them questions, and a break from routine) and customize your holiday to match their needs. 

Since not every elder is the same, you may be able to alter the events only minimally, and yet still produce a wonderful day that everyone can enjoy, safely and stress-free!