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| image courtesy freedigitalphotos.net |
Let's face it, being a caregiver isn't easy, is it? In fact, it pretty much sucks 98% of the time. That doesn't mean you don't care about your loved one, though. It just means that the job is hard, gross, frustrating, thankless, stressful, and heartbreaking. Just like your old job, except you don't get a paycheck or vacation days.
Part of the stress caregivers experience comes from social expectations. You are SUPPOSED to be "on top of it". You are SUPPOSED to sacrifice your time, health, sanity, family, and money. You are supposed to do it without complaint.
And you are NEVER allowed to make a mistake. Even if you didn't make a mistake--even if something totally out of your control happens, you are supposed to beg forgiveness for not preventing it, right?
All caregivers should cut themselves a little slack. There are two things in life that you can never do 100% perfectly. One is parent your children, and the other is parent the elderly. There will be injuries, accidents, illnesses, mistakes, misjudgments and moments when you tear your hair out.
There will be moments when you want to tear THEIR hair out too. As long as you never intentionally cause your loved one physical harm, and you do your best, then you are a great caregiver.
So, take a little time, let your guilt slide off of your shoulders, and read about the 25 Ways to Tell You Are A Caregiver. And hey, you don't have to agree with all of these:
25. You are an Expert on Falsehoods
You can tell the difference between a fib, a lie, an exaggeration and confusion before the sentence is finished. (Except in the case of number 6)
24. You've Redefined Nutrition
You've worked out a new food pyramid that includes whatever the hell they will eat that day. (Oatmeal cream pie? Fine. That's a grain.)
23. You Qualify for Med School
You've had doctors get angry with you because you caught them on a medication error. (Not your fault your research is more up-to-date than theirs.)
22. Your To-Do List Looks Like a Sitcom Plot
You have something weird, like "search underwear drawer for hidden food" listed on your to-do list for the week. Right under normal tasks like "find mom's bottom teeth".
21. You've Learned About Compromise
Instead of listing ADL's (activities of daily living, such as dressing) in order of priority, they are listed in order of how easy it is to talk your loved one into doing them.
Hair brushed but no socks? Fine. Whatever.
20. You Decorate With Brands Like "Medline"
You need a new sofa, but these days, "buying for the house" means safety rails, new smoke detectors, and shower chair.
19. Your Sense of Style Has Changed
You browse Amazon for fashion accessories for yourself. Latex gloves, gait belt, back brace...
18. They Love You at Walgreens
A "day-out" means a trip to the drug-store (and you get annoyed because your loved one gets excited about this!).
Worse; you find yourself saying things like "No Dad, you don't need another heating pad today. You already got $248 worth of medicine. Maybe next week if you are really good. "
17. Your Christmas Card List is a Lot Shorter These Days
You have a "special name" for that distant relative (third cousin of a great-aunt's step-daughter, or something) that has never cared for an elder, but who calls once a month to give you "advice".
(hint: your kids are not allowed to say that "special name". Ever.)
16. Your Wallet is Now a Mini-Medical File
Pictures of your kids and grandkids have been replaced in your wallet by insurance cards and other information you have to have on hand at all times, including appointment cards, specialist cards, nurses phone numbers, medication lists, allergy alerts, and scraps of paper with notes about behaviors.
15. You Might be a Bit Over Protective
When you do get to go out, you call home to "check-in" five times more often than you did back when your kids were little and staying with a babysitter.
14. You Really Don't Be the One...
When your loved one isn't awake at their usual time, you have to stand outside their door for ten minutes mustering up the courage to go in.
You really don't want to be the one to find them if something happened.
13. You Can Be a Tad Grumpy At Times
You actually avoid support groups because you are not in the mood to hear other people say it is "soooo easy".
12. You Spend a Lot of Time in Medical Buildings
The only people who recognize you anymore are nurses, physical therapists, and other medical personnel you've met along your caregiving journey.
11. Your Browsing History Makes You Look Like a Hypochondriac
All of your time online is spent researching unusual behaviors or health conditions. Or maybe medications, interactions, rare psychological disorders, first aid, and nutrition...
10. Your Phone Has One Purpose
There are only a few numbers on your speed dial: 911, doctor, pharmacy, take-out restaurant. Everything else is apps, memos, and bookmarks related to caregiving.
9. There May Be Sibling Animosity
You can actually feel yourself turning into the Incredible Hulk whenever someone asks "Why don't your siblings take a turn." (Yeah, why DON'T they??? You want to scream.)
8. You Are Such a Rebel
You don't really think it is a crime to resort to bribery in some cases. (If you will just take a shower...I will give you...) Hey, it keeps the peace AND gets things done.
7. You Used to Fear Intruders, But Now...
You have actually injured yourself while running to investigate a strange noise that MIGHT have been your loved one falling.
If it was an intruder, you would probably throttle them with your bare hands for interrupting what precious sleep you are allowed.
6. You Get Fooled, Occasionally
You could always tell when your kid was faking a stomachache, and maybe you did it a time or two when you were a kid.
But it takes you two doctor's visits, a bunch of expensive tests and a long lecture from a physician before you will actually believe that your parent just did the same thing to you.
5. Sometimes You Dream of Freedom
You have forbidden dreams about signing a nursing home admission form. Then you spend all day feeling guilty about it.
4. You Think Doctor's Should Give You A Discount
You actually contemplate choking a doctor about the time they say;
"You should have known..."
when the incident was so rare even they had to consult with other docs to figure it out. Shouldn't you get a rebate or something when you had to do the research yourself?
3. You Gave Up Part of Your Brain
You have 3, 987 pages of medical history memorized, and it isn't your own. In fact, you can't even remember how much you weigh.
If someone asks you how much your mother weighed 20 years ago on a specific date, you probably know.
If they ask you what your favorite color is, you probably say "Um..."
2. You Think This Job Should Come With More Perks
You really, really, really, really think caffeine in all of its forms should be prescribed to caregivers free of charge. Along with a variety of other substances.
1. You Are Sure I Missed Something
You have about 500 more things to add to this list.
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