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| Is your elderly loved one dangerous? |
As a member of an online caregiving community, Lisa thought she had tons of support. She frequently posted about her experiences and difficulties in caring for her father for over ten years. But when she admitted defeat, she wasn't met with sympathy. Nor with justification for her choice. She was met with criticism.
Even caregiving has its snobbish cliques, it seems. Instead of a hug and a "You did all you could do", she was told that she had failed, given up, let her father down. No one cared that Lisa's life was actually in danger...
Caregiving Is Not Without Risk
This is an extreme example of how an elder can endanger a caregiver. Luckily, Lisa didn't listen to those who hadn't been in her situation. She made a decision that was best for herself and for her father. He received the care he needed (physical as well as mental) and she was able to move on with her life, while still taking part in his.
Whereas it may be rare for an elder to attack a caregiver, there are less violent ways that an elder could be endangering your life and health as well.
1. Stress and Other Health Issues That Affect Caregivers
It is no big secret that caregivers suffer physically and emotionally. They are at an increased risk for high blood pressure, depression, gastrointestinal issues, and more.
When I think of caregiver stress, I am reminded of a family I once knew who insisted on buying the priciest organic foods. The result was that the grocery budget didn't stretch far enough, and they would often run very low on food. By the end of the month, everyone was on meager rations, and the parents would sometimes skip meals so the kids could eat.
See, they thought they were doing the very best thing for their family. But really, everyone was suffering eventually.
Caregiving can be that way too. By keeping mom or dad out of a nursing home or assisted living facility for fear of low quality care, the caregiver might be actually hurting his or herself. The hungry family could have opted for quantity over quality and so can a caregiver.
One person cannot replace an entire staff of caregivers. And when the one person (the caregiver) begins to suffer, or gets sick, then the quality of care at home starts to deteriorate as well. They may not be as motivated, they may not be as quick to notice important health signs and symptoms.
The hungry family could decide to buy more groceries one week, and sate their appetites, but the physical issues that plague caregivers are often permanent.
The hungry family could decide to buy more groceries one week, and sate their appetites, but the physical issues that plague caregivers are often permanent.
2. Hygiene and Diseases
Does your loved wash their hands? Do they bathe regularly or allow you to bathe them? Do they care about cleanliness in the home?
One of the questions that caregivers often ask on help forums is:
"How do I get my loved one to take a shower/bath?"
Nurses, CNA's and Home Health Aides will agree that showers are one of the most stressful aspects of the job. Why?
To be brutally honest--some elders just don't care about cleanliness. I've seen this too many times--and it occurs whether or not a person has dementia, whether or not there is a disability, or whether or not there are people available to help.
If you've experienced this, then you have probably implemented all the advice you received from doctors and other caregivers. You made baths safe, easy, and comfortable--yet you may still have an elder on your hands that refuses to wash up.
You've probably met with that really annoying person online who doesn't give any advice at all, just tells you that you can't force your loved one to bathe, and that you should respect their independence. But is that really the best idea?
The human body is a bacteria factory, and if your loved one isn't bathing or washing his or her hands, then they are not just "independent", they are endangering others.
This can be especially serious if they have been in and out of a hospital or care facility, where they were exposed to numerous infectious diseases, such as C. difficile, which claims thousands of lives each year and is spread through contact with fecal matter.
If your loved one is mobile, then they are touching multiple surfaces in your home. Door facings, light switches, furniture, dishes, knobs, utensils, bedding, and food. You may be respecting their independence, but you are also exposing yourself and others to everything from salmonella to feces.
One of the questions that caregivers often ask on help forums is:
"How do I get my loved one to take a shower/bath?"
Nurses, CNA's and Home Health Aides will agree that showers are one of the most stressful aspects of the job. Why?
To be brutally honest--some elders just don't care about cleanliness. I've seen this too many times--and it occurs whether or not a person has dementia, whether or not there is a disability, or whether or not there are people available to help.
If you've experienced this, then you have probably implemented all the advice you received from doctors and other caregivers. You made baths safe, easy, and comfortable--yet you may still have an elder on your hands that refuses to wash up.
You've probably met with that really annoying person online who doesn't give any advice at all, just tells you that you can't force your loved one to bathe, and that you should respect their independence. But is that really the best idea?
The human body is a bacteria factory, and if your loved one isn't bathing or washing his or her hands, then they are not just "independent", they are endangering others.
This can be especially serious if they have been in and out of a hospital or care facility, where they were exposed to numerous infectious diseases, such as C. difficile, which claims thousands of lives each year and is spread through contact with fecal matter.
If your loved one is mobile, then they are touching multiple surfaces in your home. Door facings, light switches, furniture, dishes, knobs, utensils, bedding, and food. You may be respecting their independence, but you are also exposing yourself and others to everything from salmonella to feces.
Yes. That is right. You could have poop on your silverware and not even know it.
Some elders are food hoarders. Some just like to stash away closed packages of food for a rainy day. Others become obsessed with hiding bits of food everywhere. Sometimes they forget where they have hidden it.
Just like poor hygiene, this is not an okay behavior.
Let me share this story:
"Alma was 85 years old. She was being cared for by her son and his family. Although they tried to keep up with Alma's tendency to hide food away, they occasionally overlooked an item or two. One week Alma hid a chicken salad sandwich in her room, in her bag of knitting supplies. DAYS later, she found it again ate it.
Not feeling well later in the night, she went for a glass of water, and to use the toilet. After touching several items in the kitchen, including the light switch, faucets, the counters and the fridge handle, she returned to bed.
Within a few hours, she was in ER. By the end of the week, several other family members were as well, including a three month old baby.
Although they all recovered, Alma and her grandchild suffered greatly."
Food hoarding isn't the only issue. Many elders have a "waste not, want not" attitude about food. This means you may catch them eating expired food, mixing that "last dab" of old milk into the new jug or other such potentially dangerous behavior. (including pulling food from trashcans!)
Hidden food also attracts a variety of vermin and insects, all of which could carry diseases. If you notice habits of this type, you have to be super-vigilant as a caregiver to prevent serious outcomes.
There are other issues that can create a dangerous environment for caregivers and the elderly.
Here are some true instances that could have been fatal:
3. Food Safety
Some elders are food hoarders. Some just like to stash away closed packages of food for a rainy day. Others become obsessed with hiding bits of food everywhere. Sometimes they forget where they have hidden it.
Just like poor hygiene, this is not an okay behavior.
Let me share this story:
"Alma was 85 years old. She was being cared for by her son and his family. Although they tried to keep up with Alma's tendency to hide food away, they occasionally overlooked an item or two. One week Alma hid a chicken salad sandwich in her room, in her bag of knitting supplies. DAYS later, she found it again ate it.
Not feeling well later in the night, she went for a glass of water, and to use the toilet. After touching several items in the kitchen, including the light switch, faucets, the counters and the fridge handle, she returned to bed.
Within a few hours, she was in ER. By the end of the week, several other family members were as well, including a three month old baby.
Although they all recovered, Alma and her grandchild suffered greatly."
Food hoarding isn't the only issue. Many elders have a "waste not, want not" attitude about food. This means you may catch them eating expired food, mixing that "last dab" of old milk into the new jug or other such potentially dangerous behavior. (including pulling food from trashcans!)
Hidden food also attracts a variety of vermin and insects, all of which could carry diseases. If you notice habits of this type, you have to be super-vigilant as a caregiver to prevent serious outcomes.
Hidden Dangers
Here are some true instances that could have been fatal:
- Martha, a 62 year old with dementia, turned on all the stove burners and left a potholder on the stove while her caregivers slept.
- Sam, a 74 year old with vision problems was attempting to placate his 5 year old great-grandson by offering him candy from his pocket. The candy was actually an anti-depressant pill that he had dropped and retrieved earlier that day.
- Jacob, a 86 year old, had long been denied driving privileges. One night he sneaked into the garage to start the family car, then fell asleep with it running. All family members had to be treated for carbon monoxide poisoning.
- Harry, 83, hallucinated that someone was breaking into his bedroom. Going to his closet, he retrieved a revolver that no one knew of, and fired a shot to "scare them away". The bullet went through the wall and into the room where his daughter, his live in caregiver was asleep). Luckily, no one was injured.
Always Be Alert
Caregivers should always be aware of habits and behaviors in their loved ones that could be dangerous. It is hard to ignore the social pressure to be super-human, but if you feel that an elder is endangering family members or themselves, it is time to seek help.
Don't let the social pressure to believe that "home care is the best care" blind you to common sense, and to the truth about when it is time to do the "right thing". That may mean hiring extra help, having your loved one's medication adjusted, or eventually, Like Lisa, having to resort to a long-term care facility.
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