7 Things That Can Scare Someone With Dementia

What scares you the most? Loud sounds, spiders, shadows? The thought of intruders, the feeling of being watched, things you can't explain?

Now imagine that you think you see these things all the time. You can't escape from them, and you can't ask anyone to help you with your fears. 

That may be the way someone with dementia feels when they encounter things that are unfamiliar or unrecognizable. 

You may not be able to remove all of these problems from your loved one's life, but understanding what causes fear and paranoia could help you cope with dementia behaviors more efficiently. 

Here are seven common things that can scare, worry, bother, or upset people with dementia: 

ARD and Korsakoff Syndrome--The Other Dementias

Picture this in your mind. A man shuffles down the long hallway of a nursing home. He is wearing only one shoe, his shirt front is damp from drooled saliva. His clothes are wrinkled and stained. He won't let anyone change them. 


As he stumbles along, bumping into walls, he waves his arms and mutters incoherently. His hands tremble, his body twitches. He stops walking and looks around, obviously lost and confused. 

He stares at a painting on the wall, then pulls at his hair in agitation, and turns back toward the people-filled lobby. He can't recall his own name, where his room is, or how to eat with a spoon. 


Its Not Alzheimer's ...

Is Keeping Our Elders at Home the Best Decision?

Planning for where the elderly will age for their remaining years is one of the tough decisions caregivers have to make. For some, there will only be one final home in later age. Others may transition through the levels of senior care options as their needs increase.

Today's guest author discusses a few things to consider before you help your elderly loved one make a decision.

Is Keeping Our Elders at Home the Best Decision in Their Interest?

It's all too natural for the seniors to want to stay home when they grow older, but it is our duty to take a step back and rationalize the bigger picture so that we can make a well-informed decision, keeping their best interests in mind. 


More often than not, decisions to transfer seniors to nursing homes or care facilities are frantically made after facing a sudden loss or crisis. This makes the arrangement all the more painful for them and the entire family.



Every home is unique, and there are several factors that contribute to the best choice in such a situation. Here is a list of things you should evaluate before deciding to shift your seniors to a nursing home:

Nursing Homes Are Ugly! Tips for Personalizing Your Loved One's Living Space

*this post contains affiliate links. Read here for full disclosure*

When your elderly loved one lived at home, they had a bedroom that was decorated to their own personal tastes, and filled with what they needed. If they lived with you, perhaps you gave them a fabulous bedroom makeover to welcome them. They've been spoiled for years on great bedrooms.


Then...


 They move to the nursing home, where they may be faced with decor that is, well...

Before you Become a Caregiver 18 Questions to Ask Yourself

So, the time has come. Your aging parent needs more care than they can provide for themselves. Are you the right person to fill that need? 

Of course, you may say. You are their child. 

Taking on the role of care provider to a family member isn't a decision to be taken lightly. There may a number of reasons why you can't or shouldn't take on the responsibility. On the other hand, all signs may indicate that you are the perfect person to step up to the plate. 


But before you say yes or no without a minute's thought, take time to answer these questions, in all honesty, to yourself...

Care Baskets For the Elderly--Life Essentials

Millions of senior citizens live below the poverty line. This time of year they face the possibility of a long winter, without the means to go out and stock up their homes with useful necessities. Countless others are housebound due to illness, disabilities, or lack of transportation. 

If you are looking for a meaningful community project, why not assemble a team of volunteers to help make care packages for these elders? 

To make beneficial care baskets, you just need to ask yourself: 

What would you need to get by from day to day if you couldn't afford (or weren't physically able) to go shopping?

 (Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting this blog! Full disclosure here.)

The Do's and Don'ts of Dementia (Guest Post)

Everybody will meet dementia. As the number of people with this condition grows, so does our likelihood of encountering dementia behaviors everyday. 

We will see them in our loved ones, our friends, our neighbors, our colleagues. We will encounter them in the workplace, on vacation and online.

That is why it is more important than ever for people (not just caregivers) to recognize the signs of dementia, and to know the do's and don'ts of communicating with someone who is affected. 

Today's guest post takes us over a few reminders of why we may meet with outbursts from those with dementia, and how we can handle the situation in a dignified, humane manner. 

Would You Slap Your Grandpa For a Cool Million $ ? (Guest Post)

Not From Blog Owner : This is not a violent post. Its a post about true caregiving love. Every caregiving journey is unique, and today's guest author tells an amusing and touching tale about his interaction with his aging grandfather. Read and enjoy!
(Warning: some mild language.)

Would You Slap Me for a Million Dollars? 

That's what my Gramps asked me.


Around this time last year, I had a completely insane idea. I was tired of seeing my Grandpa mope around the house for hours everyday, with nothing better to do than tuck his hands in his pockets and watch the squirrels outside the windows.


I figured he needed something constructive to eat up his time. So I worked a few extra shifts and spent a lot of money to get him an absolutely killer tablet for Christmas.


My logic was simple: he could hook up with his friends and bam. Loneliness gone.


What I didn't think of before I whipped out my credit card was the fact that my Grandpa is...how can I say this?


Grumpy.


He also has a mouth like a sailor and a zero tolerance policy for "pointless new gadgets". The vision I had of him seated in his cozy, somewhat ragged and stained armchair, sharing lame memes about dogs or gratitude was annihilated when he opened the appropriately masculine wrapping paper and exclaimed:


"What the hell is this? The world's ugliest calculator?"


So maybe it was sometime in April before I finally taught him how to use the world's ugliest calculator. Maybe it took about two days of calling people and begging them to add him on Facebook so that he could have some skeletal semblance of a social circle.


Once he was online though...he was hooked. He devours his Facebook feed everyday. He learned to Tweet. He reads every news article, email, pop-up ad, and WebMD article that crosses his path.


And he unabashedly spams the crap out of his contacts lists, no matter how much I warn him. What can I say? He is still a rebel at heart.


Grandpa isn't the most social dude anyhow ( he is the old guy that greets people with remarks about their body parts. As in "Hello there, Lois. I thought you said on Facebook that you lost weight? Your rear end still blocks the whole television.")


By August, I think he was down to a two elderly widows from church (who tolerated his spam and cussedness for the sheer sake of saving his soul, even if it killed them) and a some cousins from up in Minnesota or the Dakotas. Someplace cold. Their conversation was usually about aches, pains, and snow.


Grandpa wasn't interested in other peoples aches, or aches caused by other people's snow. But one of those cousins introduced Grandpa to the love of his life.


Viral trends. 


Remember that 'forever ago' craze where people were dumping buckets of ice water on themselves? Grandpa watched every single video. He laughed every single time.


Every trend like that. Every meme asking someone a question or telling them to share, share, share.


While I make breakfast every morning, he reads aloud the comments to me, with his head tipped back so that he can take advantage of the bifocal bottoms of his glasses that don't work so well for him anymore.


The other morning, he sat this way, slightly grinning as he scanned his Facebook for the good stuff first. I was almost heartwarmed. This was as close as I would ever see my grandfather to the boy he must have been 70 years or so ago.


Then, of course, he spoke.


"Listen to this. Would you slap your best friend for a thousand dollars? Jason, hear me? Would you? That's what this post asks."


Who me? I'm a totally non-violent person. I once quit a job as a bouncer because I didn't like throwing people out the door, even when they were drunken jerks.


"No Gramps. I sure wouldn't.''


"Eh...if I had a best friend I might." he said. He read the comments for awhile, and I thought I was free and clear to serve breakfast without any serious weirdness.


"Lemme ask you something else then!" Grandpa laid down the tablet, so I knew it was serious.


"Would you slap me for a thousand dollars?"


"No."


"That's the problem with you kids these days. You don't know how to take advantage of opportunities."


"Gramps! Its just a jokey junk post. People aren't really giving away money just to see someone get slugged."


Grandpa gave the senior equivalent of an eye roll, which for him means shaking his head and rubbing that crease between his eyebrows. While staring toward the heavens as if to ask "Oh why did you curse me with this youngster?"


"What if they were? How about this? Would you slap your Grandpa for a cool million dollars?" his eyes sparkled as he held me captive. Just daring me to go against my ethics for once.


So for his sake...


"I dunno. Yeah...maybe I might do it for a cool million."


Grandpa slapped the table and laughed.


"I guess you're more like me than you think! I want a two-third share, for pain and suffering."


"You're 82. What would you do with that much money, give it to charity?"


"Hell no I wouldn't. I would go on this internet and tell people I would give it to them if they do something like wear their clothes backwards for a month."



That's what my caregiving life is like. My Grandpa and I have an understanding. We can be guys together.


I wouldn't consider him a role model, but no matter how he talks, I also know he has never hurt anyone. He was a pretty successful guy before he retired, and he may have stepped on a few toes or a few heads getting what he wanted. At the same time, he gave back almost as fast as he gained.


My Grandpa was a funeral director for over 59 years. I guess during that time he learned to appreciate that earthly things are fleeting. He spent a lifetime sucking in other people's despair, and cranking out postive thoughts and energy. It shows in his face. It shows in his attitude. He is still doing it. He's glutting himself on the bottomless negativity of the internet, and turning into a reason to live.


He has a good reason to stand and stare out windows and be a social recluse. He closed the final lid on dozens of his old friends, his family, and his neighbors. A guy who does that has the right to do a lot of things. Even stuff like getting thrilled flame wars.


I imagine things will get tougher for us both as the years pass on. No matter how much trouble he puts me through (or gets me into), the answer is still a resounding NO.


I wouldn't slap my Grandpa for a cool million dollars.


If someone gave me a time machine though, I would be tempted to introduce him to Sudoku puzzles instead of internet.


I'm never going to get a girlfriend thanks to the stuff he shares on my Facebook page!

--

Jason P. is a student, a people-watcher, an excellent frittata chef and daily breakfast companion to his 82 year old, irascible grandfather.

5 Ways to Give Charitably to the Elderly (Without Making it Seem Like Charity)

If you missed the stats in my post about care baskets for the elderly, you need to know this;


Over 4 million senior citizens live in a state of poverty. 


Over 5 million seniors either don't have enough to eat, or are worried that they won't be able to buy food if they run out.


Poverty is a nasty epidemic, and it can be especially hard on those who are unable to "work themselves out of it". Personally, I hate that phrase, since lots of hardworking people still live below the poverty line. And many of the seniors who are poor are still working too.


Luckily, there are plenty of good-hearted people in the world willing to donate money, food, goods, and time to help those who are in need. The problem is that many of the people who need charity the most are reluctant to accept it.


When providing (or attempting to provide) charity to the elderly, you may be met with hostility, indifference, or outright denial that help is needed. It can be a huge blow to the pride to need help from others--more so for those who have always managed to take care of themselves.


So how do you help someone who won't admit they need it?


First of all, by being diplomatic. And maybe a little sly. There are ways to provide a helping hand without being obvious.Even if a person knows what you are doing, they might be appreciative of the fact that you are trying very hard to be discreet, rather than just sticking money in their face.


Holidays, birthdays and special occasions are the perfect times to attempt to help someone who is in need. Providing charity in the form of gift giving is more acceptable to someone who feels that it threatens their dignity.


Here are 5 ways you can help a senior citizen, without making it seem like charity:

1. Care Packages

I've covered how to make a care basket for the elderly, containing both edible goods.  These baskets can be as large or as small as you want, depending on the gift recipient.


The important part is to make them look like a gift. Wrap it in pretty paper. Decorate it with cellophane. Top it with a bow. Then add a card that says something like:


"To a special friend"


Much better than a cardboard box with a note like:


"Figured you might need this."

2. Gift Cards

Either given alone, or included in the care basket, gift cards can be very helpful...depending on the card. Seniors who are barely able to pay their bills might appreciate a card that can be used on groceries more than a card for a restaurant. However, including both does make it seem more like a true gift.


A thoughtful combination might be, for example, a $50 Walmart card, a $25 restaurant card, and a $25 card for a clothing store, shoe store or hardware store.

3. Small Luxuries

Know someone who might be able to just manage on food and bills, but has nothing left over at the end of the day for any type of "fun" item? If you know their interests, you can bring them a little joy very easily:

• Subscribe to a magazine in their name
• Work out a book swap so that they can get new books to read without having to leave the house
• Find people willing to donate hobby items 
• Round up used puzzles and games

All you have to say is:


"I thought you might like these items, because you always talk fondly of sewing/reading/etc. "


Then ask if they could teach you to knit or play their favorite card game.

4. Give Them Charity to Give to Others

There are quite a few seniors who live in poverty, yet never let it show in public. They may still be very active in their community, and may even be part of food drives and other events to help the needy, helping to take care of others while they themselves are short on money, food, clothes, etc.


If you suspect this may be the truth about someone you know, give them the opportunity to choose charity for themselves, in the privacy of their own home. Simply round up items to donate, (enlist the help of others) and take them to the person. Ask them to donate the items to people that they know who are in need.


When you are gone, they have the choice to keep what they need and pass along the rest.

5. Companionship and Help Around the House

Not all charity has to be monetary. Donating your time, your friendship and your listening ear can be just as helpful to the elderly. Ask around at local churches and senior programs to see if their are any elderly shut ins that would enjoy visitors.


Once you know them a little better and feel comfortable, you can offer to pitch in and help them tidy up a bit, or run a few errands for them. (maybe slip a few extra groceries into the bag while you are shopping for them.)


You can also offer to do things for them such as minor home repairs or car maintenance. They might not be able to afford to hire someone to do these things. Fixing a leaky pipe or airing up their tires could save them a lot of money later on, and help them stay safe too.

Be Wise With Your Charitable Donations

There are so many ways we can reach out and help those who need it the most. Besides these ideas, you can donate directly to organizations that collect food, money, and clothes for the poor.

Do be leery though. Some non-profit places don't always give everything back to someone who needs it. Tons of clothes and household items that are in perfectly fine condition will go no farther than the dumpsters out back, simply because volunteers didn't want the trouble of sorting them.

This is one reason I prefer to give directly to another person. As long as there is a single person out there who can't afford to buy a new outfit or a skillet or a new lamp, then these items should never go in the trash. Even if someone who "doesn't need them" gets hold of them, they will eventually be passed along one way or another.

I'm also not fond of places that charge for donated items when some people cannot afford even thrift store prices.

If you do go through a charity, do your research and make sure help is truly going where it is needed.

Care Baskets for the Elderly--Edible Ideas

If you've browsed through this blog, then you may see that I love any type of gift basket. I have a special fondness for holiday themed baskets or baskets designed around a personal theme. And I usually recommend mixing up practical stuff with the fun stuff.


Sometimes, a gift basket needs to be more extreme.  When an elder is physically or financially unable to purchase things for themselves, then they need a care basket. This is any container that is filled with stuff they can or should use, but may not be able to buy.


Of course, this doesn't mean that it can't be an attractive container! You can dress anything up with a little imagination, but care baskets should be bigger than the average gift basket, since the goal is to supply necessities that will last the elderly a long time. 

Making a Care Basket For the Elderly--Fill It With Nutrition (And a Few Treats)

I personally think that a good care basket should be a balance between edible goods and non-food essentials. Its even better if there are TWO baskets, so you don't have to worry about something like soap spilling onto something like cookies.


So, this post is broken into two parts. This one will focus on the edible goods that you can put in a care basket.


In 2014, statistics showed that over 10% of people 65 and older (over 4 million) senior citizens lived in poverty and over 5 million (age 60 and older) were food insecure. This doesn't just happen to senior citizens who live alone. Those who are living with family caregivers may also be food insecure, since caregiving can often cause financial instability (especially if there are a lot of out-of-pocket medical expenses and/or a family member quits work to provide care full time. )


It is a disturbing fact that the food budget is often what has to be chopped in order to stretch lean earnings far enough to cover utilities, rent, and other necessary expenses, such as prescriptions.  That is why a gift of food to an impoverished elder (or anyone who is hungry) can never be wrong.


Especially if you fill your care basket with nutritious foods.


However, whereas it is the best idea to provide 100% wholesome and nutritious foods , it may not always be practical. Some people  may not be able to prepare foods that require long cooking times or lots of prep work before cooking. Those with low appetites may not feel that eating is worth the trouble of cooking, and resort to either convenience foods, or even no food at all. So foods that involve a lot of preparation, or complex instructions to cook, may go to waste. 


If you aren't sure whether or not your gift recipient can and will cook involved "from scratch"  meals, then it may be best to include a variety of foods. Even processed and convenience foods are better than no food. But, there are plenty of good-for-ya foods that you can slip in the basket, that are easy to make quickly.

A Quick Safety Note

If at all possible, find out from friends, family, neighbors, or the senior themselves  about any health condition that might be addressed while making your basket. For example, if someone has diabetes, you would want to avoid filling their basket with cookies or too many other sweet treats. If they have a food allergy or sensitivity, you would want to avoid foods that could cause a reaction. And if they have issues with swallowing/choking, things like nuts and popcorn could be risky. 

If its not possible to find these thing out, or you are assembling baskets in groups to hand out to many seniors in your area, then you just have to do the best you can. Aim for a balance of all items, and rest assured that most of it will likely be greatly appreciated and used. 

Foods for An Elderly Care Basket

Non-perishable foods should make up the bulk of a care basket. Dried, canned and boxed items will last longer, and there is less risk of food poisoning if eaten past the expiration dates. But a few "fridge foods" can be added to make the basket special. (Especially if these are "treats" that a person might not buy for themselves, but really love to eat!)


Store-bought food ideas: 

• Canned beans

• Canned fruit 

• No-sodium canned vegetables

• Small packages of dried pasta

• Canned fish

• Jarred pasta sauces

• Canned soups and stews

• Cold cereals

• Hot cereals in single serve packets

• Dried fruits

• Nuts 

• Peanut butter

• Jam or jellies

• Whole grain crackers

• Granola bars

• Fruit bars

• Single serve pudding and fruit cups

• Small or single serve ice cream or sherbet cups

• Canned or bottled fruit juice

• Bottled water 

• Water flavor packets

• Boost or Ensure shakes

• Microwave popcorn or pre-popped corn 

• Cookies

• Baked chips

• Pretzels

• Tortillas 

• Canned refried beans (the kind made without lard)

• Canned chicken

• Cheese crackers (the kind with peanut butter or cheese filling, or just cheese flavored snack crackers)

• Basic spices such as salt, pepper, parsley, cayenne, etc. 

• Teas or coffee (along with with supplies such as cream, sugar, or sweeteners. )

Emergency Foods

 If you don't know a person's situation, then you should always imagine the most dire scenario, and try to assemble your basket accordingly.

For example, imagine that an elder has recently had their utilities turned off and can't cook on an electric stove. What could they eat? Or imagine they use propane or gas, but they can't afford to have their tank refilled, and rely on the microwave. What can they eat right now, when they are the most hungry?


Make sure  there is something in the basket to cover any possible food situation. 

• Tinned meats such as deviled ham

• Tinned fish

• Single serve meals in a cup, such as Ramen noodles, macaroni and cheese, beef stew, etc.

• Canned spaghetti, ravioli, and other heat and serve  meals

• Boxed foods such as mashed potatoes, dressing mixes and Hamburger Helper type meals. (can be made with a microwave or even a hot plate. Boxed stuffing can be made with really hot tap water in a pinch.)

• Canned chili

• Peanut Butter

• Crackers

Perishable Foods:

This is the stuff that will most likely be eaten first. So it is okay to add it to a basket. Just don't overload the basket. And make sure it will be delivered promptly and that the recipient has help putting the cold stuff away. 


 If you are donating in person, then a few freezer foods are a good inclusion, as you can make sure these get put up immediately.


Here are some ideas: 

• Cheese (wrapped cheese slices have a long life. Cheese sticks are a great protein snack that can be grabbed quickly. Fancy cheeses are a kind gesture, but some people may not know what to do with these, and may not like the unfamiliar taste. If you are going for block cheese, stick with simple, familiar cheeses (mozzarella, cheddar, Colby, etc.)

• Butter (unless there is a reason for going low-fat, real butter might be best for a senior.)

• Pickles, olives and relishes--the strong taste can help make food seem more flavorful to those with diminished taste perception.

• Cold cuts

• Summer sausage or pepperoni slices (these can have a longer fridge life than regular deli meats)

• Condiments (these non-necessities often get nixed from the grocery list when money is low.) 

• Vegetables and fruits (aim for items that don't require a lot of work before eating, such as peeling or pitting.) 

• Freezer meals 

• Frozen "quick" foods, such as chicken patties, fish fillets, burritos, etc. that can be heated quickly)

• Small ham

Some Things to Remember About Store Bought Foods

Not all foods are "convenient" to those with arthritis or other disabilities. Aim for cans that have pull-tabs when possible, packages that are opened easily by pulling or cutting, and resealable packages on things such as meats and cheeses.


If you aren't sure of the living conditions, you might want to throw in a can opener (new ones always work better, and the sharper and newer it is, the less likely it can injure someone. ), and possibly a device to help with opening jars.


Although foods look great in their original packaging for gift baskets, items that go stale quickly (chips, pretzels, dried fruits) it might be nicer to put them into see-through plastic canisters. Not only will the food stay fresher longer, but plastic won't break if dropped by shaky hands. And seniors will appreciate something that can be reused rather than a disposable sandwich bag.

Also, single wrapped items such as granola bars will last longer than food that is all in one container and has to be eaten up quickly before going stale.

Homemade Goodies for a Care Basket

If you like to cook and have the time, then a few home cooked treats would probably be highly welcomed. There is no limit to what you can make. It can be as simple as cookies or muffins, or you can make whole freezer meals that only need to be thrown in a pot, the oven, or the microwave. Here are a few things to give you some ideas:

• Cookies

• Cakes made with fruits (apple cake)

• Muffins

• Snack mixes

• Dried fruit

• Breads

• Casseroles

• Soups

• Stews

• Single serving freezer meals of things like: pot pie, enchiladas, spaghetti or lasagna,)

Think about cultural and geographical issues, too. Some elders might have an adventurous taste in food, while others might turn up their noses at something words like "kale" "quinoa", "tofu" or anything that sounds "foreign" or "fancy".


As long as you provide a variety of foods; healthy foods, foods that can be eaten right from the container, foods that need only minimal heating, etc. you are sure to provide something that they will use and enjoy.

Now that you have filled their pantries, check out this post to find out what non-edible items senior citizens might need in their care package!


See Also:

• Ultimate Senior Citizen Gift Guide

*Note: This post may contain affiliate links. If you buy an item through one of my links, I earn a small commission (that helps suppor this site)  at no extra cost to you. Full disclosure here.*